Never should have been made!
1138 REPORT CARD: 4/10 (C) See me!
Why should you pay to see this movie? If you are bored and have nothing else to do, go see it; if you like the tangled web of a soap opera, then go and see it, you’ll be entertained for a while. If you like Bollywood, then Nine (2009) will appeal to you. However, if you are looking for a homage to Fellini, then forget it. This is a film more about making money than merit making.
I didn’t want to like this film. Right from the moment that I knew it was going to be made, I thought, NO! You can remake Get Carter, even remake The Italian Job, even The Getaway and Psycho, but please don’t mess with Fellini. Imagine a keystone cop looking down the barrel of an exhaust as it backfires. BOOM…SOOT all over your face. But Mr. Marshall just wouldn’t be told! This film steps on the coat tails of a masterpiece and tries to be pulled along for a ride into history…and with SOOT all over its face!. But no matter what postmodern justification one might present in its defence, this film is nothing more than a Remora fish leeching off creativity. And so pious words are cast down for the film makers to ponder “Shame on you, you are killing creativity for a living.”
The KING of COOL!
8½ (1963) is my film. I am Guido; not by profession maybe, but more importantly by spirit. Guido is the lost soul in everyone; he fights a losing battle with the memories of his past, his present and of course his future. He struggles to come to terms with the life that is thrust upon him and has, like a yoke around his shoulders, the question, “What if I have nothing to say anymore?” Given the detritus that are the remakes being vomited out of the Hollywood mill these days, maybe, it is facing this problem already.
Not the KING of COOL, Day-Lewis is no Mastroianni
A question mark hangs over Daniel Day-Lewis like the sword of Damocles. Could this be a career turning film; maybe if Day-Lewis were less talented an actor this poor choice of project could represent a career breaking moment. But he is not without considerable talent and is well capable of using his abilities, and back catalogue, to shield from the sword that is currently falling toward him. He will be back and let us hope, back in better form than in Nine (2009). Clearly this film represents a lose lose scenario for him. Impossibly hoping to match Mastroianni’s performance in 8½ (1963), indeed comparing the two is like comparing apples with baboons, Hollywood musical with Italian Art house; but the very subject matter of the film demands that a comparison be made; indeed the film continually makes the comparisons for us. Fortunately it takes more than a black tie and east European accent to pull off a performance that comes close to the king of cool, Mastroianni. Day-Lewis’s Guido Contini is a pale reflection of the life of Mastroianni’s Guido Anselmi. The genres are different yet the characters the same; so weighty is the theft of script and plot and story from 8½ (1963) that even though one knows they are different, one is forced to make the incomparable comparison. Yes Day-Lewis can sing, but so can a budgie, we are not seeing him do what he does best, act. The reflection Guido Anselmi that appears as Guido Contini is bereft of life; it is a pale a lifeless mirage and not one that Day-Lewis should try to repeat.
Cough cough...Yes please!
As I have already said, I didn’t want to like this movie and right from the outset it didn’t offer anything that would change my opinion. BUT not everything is bad, Nine (2009) however does have some redeeming features. The actors for one; there are several who impress with wow and sexy pizzazz performances: Carla (Penélope Cruz)…oh boy, how could any man not get hot under their collar! Stephanie
And he runs away! It's not like they are dogs!
(Kate Hudson)…dancing equals sex, sex, sex, acting equals second rate Thai soap opera. Saraghina (Stacey Ferguson) is certainly worth getting caned for! Lilli (Judi Dench)…Solid and dependable and truly a class act the whole way through. Claudia (Nicole Kidman)…yawn, just another foxy tart performing inadequately trying to wow an audience with beauty alone. The ‘Look at me, I’m the fairy on the top of the Christmas tree routine’ was tired and out of date even before Moulin Rouge (2001)
Sophia Loren, playing Guido’s mother, a role played originally in 8½ (1963) by Guiditta Rissone, is simply the token to history, the wow big name on the bill board seems to be good enough and she is not challenged with acting. Ching ching, cash in your cheque love and roll on to your next cameo at your local supermarket. The reality is that most of these performances were on the whole, above average; and it flatters Kidman that I am averaging the performances out, for her poor display is made palatable only by the brilliance of some others.
Adding some magic into the equation is Marion Cottilard (Luisa Contini). Cottilard dazzles with emotion as well as sex appeal. Her second number, ‘Take it all’ is simply sex on legs, and often sex on all fours.
Oooo LA LA!
Her performance is erotic enough to make even your granny blush. Luisa is Guido’s exploited and abandoned wife. Pulling something from a seemingly flimsy script, written by amongst others Michael Tolken (The Player (1992)) and Anthony Minghella (The English Patient (1996)), Cottilard pulls together a stellar performance, she exudes pathos in spades. In her tears flow the tears of a million other women. Indeed the tears that tracked along her beautiful Hollywood cheek were matched by those trundling along the not so beautiful cheeks of the teenage girls that were seated in front of me when I paid to go and watch this movie. As the tears flowed within the audience it was clear that the soap opera was in full swing.
Nine (2009) a chic flick? The audience were oblivious, or didn’t seem to care, that the references veered jarringly back and forth from 8½ (1963) to La Dolce Vita (1960). Romance was carrying them on a wave of emotion, from tear to an eternity of toe tapping and back again. The whole soap opera train was journeying to a sad and unfortunate anti-climax. I think the girls in front of me would have liked explosions, more passion, a naked man’s chest and of course, a happy ending!
Nine (2009) is very much a soap opera, awash with singing and dancing yes, but themes such as relationships and emotion tickle the feminine fancy jut enough, the film is certainly more Bollywood than Hollywood. More polished than your average Bollywood feature, and a little bit more abstract, but Bollywood none the less. And yet, this is not such a bad thing. The movie has pace and entertainment. It explores the emotional frameworks of those people we could only dream of becoming. A Bollywood tag is therefore not a smear but more a compliment, for Bollywood often generates entertainment by parodying mainstream classics. Not highbrow, but good fun none the less!
But what a spectacle of a film! Elements of this film stand up and beg for applause. The cinematography of Dion Beebe (Memoirs of a Geisha (2006)) was as sensational. The music by Andre Guerra (Hotel Rwanda (2004)) was on the whole palatable, powerful exciting, toe tapping and sand throwingly good! The editing by Claire Simpson (Platoon (1986)) and Wyatt Smith is exceptional. Make-up and costumes too were commendable.
Unfortunately these plus points do not save this film from the ridicule and
Leave well alone please!
negativity that it deserves. It should never have been made in the first place and the creativity that has made this film what it is, would have been better spent creating an original project. When one messes with a masterpiece one must expect to come up short, and have SOOT blown in your face. Simply using a classic frame of reference does not excuse a lack of creativity and originality. Hollywood simply MUST do considerably better.
